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 Marrying a foreigner

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Posted on 08-23-15 1:12 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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I'm not sure if this is the correct place to put this...
And I know you are going to judge me up and down, but I am desperate for advice.
I know many will disapprove of this,and probably look down on me, but I still need help.

Does anyone know someone who married an American/Australian/Canandian/non-Nepali?
Or is there anyone on here who has married a non-Nepali?
If so please contact me. I am in a situation where I am desperate for advice and help. I do not know anyone in my circle who has been in these circumstances and I need to talk to someone who understands. Please message me on my Facebook if you would be willing to help...
 
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Posted on 08-24-15 12:12 AM     [Snapshot: 741]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nas- I don't go around trying to convert people so none of them, I believe people should have the freedom to believe as they wish,and not be forced into it. I have atheist, Wiccan,Hindu, Buddhist, and Muslim friends and haven ever tried to convert anyone of them. If they are curious about Christianity and come to me I will answer them,but I won't intrude in anyone's belief system,but I maintain my own morals such as waiting until marriage.

Ji wan- he is the oldest son,but has two older sisters who are already ,arrived with children,and one younger brother who works in Kathmandu. He is a hindu Brahmin. He is from a village near Chitwan.
His family knows about me, they know he wants to marry me,and he is trying to convince them, I want to meet them(even talk on Skype), they do not speak English but that is not an issue as I will gladly learn Nepali to talk to them, but he says if they get to the point where they will talk on camera to me then they have accepted.
He is having an issues invoicing them about allowing someone from an outside culture into the family, that's why I've ckme here to see if I can find some nepalese who have been in this scenario and know what to do and can help us.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:23 AM     [Snapshot: 772]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I should be hating myself now, but I will not. Probably I shouldn't be stereotyping you, but this is how majority of the white people are like. When they say Nepalis people are the best and most hospitable people I humbly accept that (see how these white girls are trying to brainwash this Indian girl and she didn't even say a single "harsh word"). If I were there I would have said "enough b*tches f88k the shut up or else I will chop your heads". Your ultimate goal is the same one as in the video since that's what your religion and/or your parents teaches (blame it on your rearing or your religion, but it is pathetic period).

Why would you guys just not leave us alone and follow our faith??

Now you will probably go on stereotyping Nepalis after my remarks, but hell with it "we are just tired of not speaking up and being humble and sojho--if you know what I mean :)". Thanks and chill. :)
 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:32 AM     [Snapshot: 768]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@Rekab

First of all I am really curious to know why you (not your boyfriend ) is asking about convincing his parents. Don't get me wrong here but I believe he should be the one who should convince his parents not you (as @jiwan already mentioned letting them know about you would be a good idea).But its his responsibility to convince his parents to accept you. You are willing to learn a completely new language, are ready to follow the traditions. You are already putting a lot of efforts here.

"but he says if they get to the point where they will talk on camera to me then they have accepted"
Wait until he will make his parents to accept you. and don't worry too much, eventually he will make them to accept you.

I thought to write what-if scenario here but that would be too harsh so not writing any.

And one more thing, not sure you know it or not , but if you don't like a post you can delete that post by hitting the delete on the post :)

Also --  ignore people who blame one person for the action of another person. I hope you understand what I mean.

My Best wishes.
Last edited: 24-Aug-15 12:35 AM

 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:40 AM     [Snapshot: 799]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"If I was a female Nepali person, marrying an american guy would be like 'भालु रैछे !!!' Now, if that american guy is a i) White Gentleman or a ii) Black Gentleman would define my marriage. With latter I would end up with no alimony and a loose vagina."

Kichudada_siraha_madar, where the fk did that come from?

I personally know at least 10 Nepali women that got hitched to Indians and Americans after falling in love. The trend is likely to rise as long as long as us, Nepali men don't start treating women with respect and equality. Slut shaming, double standards, and being extremely possessive and insecure are some reasons why the trend seems to have risen.



 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:40 AM     [Snapshot: 799]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Rebak
You have come to the wrong place to ask for suggestion. Sajah.com is a platform where they spread hatred esp towards the Christians.
I would suggest you to NOT continue any further discussion with the people here. They will attack you and your faith even though you mean no harm to them. They simply cannot stand Christians. Be careful.
Last edited: 24-Aug-15 12:41 AM

 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:42 AM     [Snapshot: 798]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"And one more thing, not sure you know it or not , but if you don't like a post you can delete that post by hitting the delete on the post :) "
+1 to that, I do that most of the time on my thread, I hate trash talk :).

Like Mero_naam_ho said, you are wiling to learn new thing, new tradition, new language, and probably you are willing to change your last name, and you are ready to have your kids very weird name that your parents can't even say........then you have done some much already. Let's you boyfriend do some too to convince his parents. Meeting them will be the best things, and please learn some things that matters to them.

Why can't we just give someone good suggestion, and we just stop judging others. Don't judge others, because you don't know what they have been through, you don't know their story. talkii talkii is always easier than wakiie wakkie.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 1:00 AM     [Snapshot: 833]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"Rest of the non bible thumping Christians are the sweetest people I have ever encountered in my life."

I have no problems with them. I have no problem with any religions, except the extremists.


Let's not make this a religious thread :), she needs help, and I wish Rebak a good luck.
 
kichhudada_siraha_madar
Posted on 08-24-15 1:56 AM     [Snapshot: 859]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Keyser Soze - "Kichudada_siraha_madar, where the fk did that come from?"
That comes from my deepest prejudice. My education. My upbringing. The village where I was raised. My interaction with other Nepali male friends in my village. Although I don't say it, I feel deep within, that I am a proud Hindu Brahmin. But at my dinner talks with other well settled Nepali brethren I talk about power to women, social issues, rights based policies etc just to show off and position myself as a progressive person. (You rightly used that word earlier). Because here and elsewhere, in the internet and at Nepali diaspora dinners, I proudly label myself as a liberal progressive Nepali that talks about uniting Nepal, talks about how caste and ethnicity based notions are ugly and impeding our progress. I talk about how my society should think above the petty issues that we are squabbling here about. For example, I talk of progressive ideas; but when it comes to my sister I would not be happy if she dated a Somalian born American guy (analogy to invoke a specific stereotype) and would not be too surprised if I overheard someone else talk about her in the same line that I described scenario no. 2 above. But am I prepared to be offended? I don't know. I thought about being honest and write an encouraging note to the OP. But I realized that would not make a dent in OP's thought process because, hey! it would be heck of an article if I could write something (anything) that can change anyone's mind here. Which is why now I write what I prejudice.

The good news is that our story is not as bleak as it seems. For example, you know plenty of Nepali women who have ditched malaised MCPs (or not) and found their true love in something they could easily relate to. Plus, you came forward to object denigrating comments that I made. Kudos! Then, this thread have now become something else. Glory! to us, collectively, for our thoughts and hates and stereotypes and love and passion.

Rekab Brown - If you are who you are; I sincerely hope you don't find your answers from us. You are the owner of your own.. .enough of my bullsh**
 
Posted on 08-24-15 2:02 AM     [Snapshot: 875]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Well let's see if I can reply to all these :O
As I said I don't shove my religion down anyone's throat, I don't have an agenda.I know there are people like that who do that,but my family isn't that kind.

If people want to prejudice me or hate against Christians that is their choice, I'm not going to judge back or stereotype anyone because I don't believe in doing that.

Nas- His parents are rigid yes,and I stopped eating beef when I began dating him. I don't know how anyone can date a hindu and still eat beef, it would be too weird to me. I was never a huge meat eater anyway so giving up beef is not a big deal to me.

I know it is strange me posting on here, but maybe that's because I am a bit more bold. He is shy, he is willing to talk to people to get advice, but isn't the kind to post on forums, and well I'm open and okay with seeking out help.
Problem is he is saying he has tried all he can,doesn't know what to do. But his family never threatened to disown him, they never threatened any huge action. Compared to other situations I have read this one doesn't seem so hopeless,but he is losing hope.He doesn't know anyone who has been in this situation,and he isn't good at dealing with a lot of stress and emotional pain. I have been through a lot of emotional pain so I know how to handle it, but I wanted to see if someone from his culture can talk to him(I know me posting trying to find someone to talk to him might sound a bit..eh I know I know)
He thinks I don't understand/won't listen to my suggestion because I'm American,but is open to listening to someone from his own who has been through this.
Again I know how it comes across me posting this and it might be strange someone like me coming to a forum like this, but I can ignore any judgement if it means someone is willing to truly help.

 
Posted on 08-24-15 2:27 AM     [Snapshot: 900]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Rekab,
Check your mail (Sajha's inbox) if I can be of any help.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 4:38 AM     [Snapshot: 938]     Reply [Subscribe]
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There are lots of Nepalese guys marrying westerners and I have seen around me also. if you guys truly love each other then this might be the toughest test that you guys have to go through . And if he really wants to spend life with you he should be able to convince his family and I don't think that true love has cultural , social and racial boundaries.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 7:18 AM     [Snapshot: 1047]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Rekab, relax you should be fine. Most asians including Nepali's look up to White people in general. His parents may be bit surprised but I dont think they will disown their son or anything like that. Unless they already have a Wife lined up for him.

They like the light skin color of white people most of all. As for Food, you dont even have to give up Beef. There are lot of Hindu Nepalis that eat beef. Just dont eat it when you are around conservative hindus and u should be fine.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 7:25 AM     [Snapshot: 1076]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If he is the right guy for you then he should just marry you and then deal with his family later. If he puts his family's insecurities above you then it should tell you what kind of priorities he has.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 11:26 AM     [Snapshot: 1256]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If you are not clear about yourself and you can not stand on outcomes / hurdle then our advise will not work.

You can not put legs on two boats same time, chose one boat.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:02 PM     [Snapshot: 1274]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Rekah_Brown

Reading your posts, it sounds like you Boyfriend is a lucky. I would not give up beef for no one and I don't think its your job to convince them.

First find out what kind of family are they , religious-nonreligious , level of education , where are they from (city / non-city) etc.

Anyways here is my take on it : take it with a grain of salt as I'm coming off from a perspective if how someone would convince my Mom and Dad :).

- If they are religious, go buy some Saree and learn how to do puja. Puja. If you meet them, remember you have to bow down and say Masters. Always cover you head with the saree shit.
- Act shy and very respectful in-front of them.
- Goat , Goat , Goat -- Lear how to cook goat :)
- Eat a piece of Serrano peppers every morning with coffee so you will get used to the spice level.
- If you don't know how to whip some badass chia(tea) , you are out of luck. so learn it.
- Start watching some Indian soap opera -- This will help you make conversation with mother and her friends.
- And remember to tell them you know that Buddha was born in Nepal and not India. :)
- If you tell them you hate Indians that will help too.




 
Posted on 08-24-15 1:58 PM     [Snapshot: 1378]     Reply [Subscribe]
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There is no straight answer to this, imo. Your BF needs to have the cojones to make some kind of decision here. Whether he wants to marry you without telling his parents or not. I dont think his parents will be receptive to the idea but i am sure they will gradually come along.
I did it without telling my parents, and i am sure my mother was hurt a bit in the beginning but later on they accepted my decision. But my relation did not work out because of religious reasons and we had to go different ways.
She was not very religious but since one of her parent was a preacher she had some kind of roots in the subject. I even went to the church in the beginning couple of times, just out of curiosity, mind you, i would never change my religion for any one or any reason. I am not very religious but i believe in my faith strongly. Then we got married, both of us were going to college and she changed her major out of no where to Religious Studies and decided to become minister at a church like one of her parent. This took me by surprise and i was fine and it was ok for a while and she never forced me her religion neither did i force mine on her.
But this had immense repercussions on my schedule as i had to help her in her project and accompany her to various functions and venues which i could not shoulder any more. And that was that.
In my retrospect this subject in not a cut and dry situation like many believe. Later on i backed off another potential relationship where the person i was talking for few weeks was pretty religious. She would travel to different states for prayers and conventions and i was like WTF. I am not saying i would not go outside of my culture or religion in finding my partner but i would not be seeking devout religious individual.
But this should not discourage you at all. Hey you never know until you commit. Best of Luck.
 
Nepalimannaparaunemanche
Posted on 08-24-15 6:50 PM     [Snapshot: 1558]     Reply [Subscribe]
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u can't handle them thats all. Nepalis are like very controlling and always invading privacy so they gona leave u in a year or two unless you are submissive. Only those Nepali girls who are submissive marries a white guy. If u are not raised and born here it's very difficult to get along. I have divorced 2 times with white woman.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 8:11 PM     [Snapshot: 1627]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I don't know what the context here is but just glancing at the topic, here is my verdict.
"If you are a westerner, don't marry a non-westerner" and "if you are a non-westerner, don't marry a westerner"
All those hookups or marriages are momentary. These marriages fail miserably after a decade or two. I've witnessed that not once but many times and vowed myself not to be in such karmic whirl, it simply is not worth your time. I've seen non-westerners husbands getting either kicked out of the house or non-westerner wives eloping with someone else. Just one of the worst nightmares you could imagine in any relationships, but I must say again, it simply is not worth spending your time and energy on hooking up with someone who knows nothing about your culture. Higher chance of these relationships not working is more prevalent than succeeding.
Anyway, it's your life, do whatever your gut feeling says. We are just words on internet and usually I don't spend time replying to someone's thread unless it is necessary.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 8:39 PM     [Snapshot: 1665]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I can't blame someone who had a bad experience because I would feel the exact same way if I was in your situation. Yes, many Western women do not like guys to be bossy.
I also don't blame people for thinking about the divorce rate, sometimes I even discriminate against my own kind(If I think of myself with an American man for example sometimes I fear he will divorce or something silly like that) My family is not normal as far as Americans go. My grandparents have been together 60 years, my parents have been married 28 years and only to each other. Both my aunts were cheated on ,but neither one left their husbands for divorce.
I think people should be judged as an individual and not as a stereotype.
If you talk in general then yes some things are true, just like some things are true about Nepalis,but the fact is you have to consider the individual, especially in the US where we a mixture of different cultures.
I agree with you bittertruth if it is a romance that started as a hookup it is not a good idea, people who engage in hookups are not the kinds who want to be committed and the basis of the relationship will be something very superficial.
In my case as I stated I am celibate, and my boyfriend and I fell for one another because of our common interests and the fact that we shared common morals. I cannot tell you how hard it is to find a guy in this country who actually values marriage and does not do drugs. Of course there exists good American men who are marriage minded and clean,but it is very hard to find as so so many just smoke weed and think marriage is a "trap".
I've never been someone to play around. To be honest with you all one thing I absolutely hate about my culture is the hookup culture. I think it is gross, indecent and it has given anyone who is an American the issue of dealing with this stupid stereotype. Try to imagine how frustrating it is for someone like me to have to deal with people thinking that because I'm white that I'm slutty when I have never even been with a man! It is even seen as weird here because of my age too. That is why when I first posted here I said I knew I would be judged. I know. I know what you think of Americans, and frankly I cannot blame you because if I were to try to deny that many Americans are  not this way I would be lying.So what I can do is ask that when you encounter or hear of an American try to get to know them personally instead of throwing a grand generalization. Because not all of us like to play around with men at bars. And yes, submissive American women do exist! Especially in the midwest and the south, women are more submissive.
Last edited: 24-Aug-15 08:41 PM

 
Nepalimannaparaunemanche
Posted on 08-24-15 9:12 PM     [Snapshot: 1703]     Reply [Subscribe]
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peter le aafno zindagi abrbad garechan to be honest
 



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